Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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