whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
