I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
