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He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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