she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
