I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
