I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
