You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
