i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
