id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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