Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
