i think my mom watched the whole time
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
