I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize