Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
