My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
