can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
