I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
