I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
