we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
