worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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