I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
