I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
