were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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