I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
