btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My pussy is not your playground.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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