As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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