Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
