I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
