why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My dick has a subreddit
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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