My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize