Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
