3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
After tacos, we're chasing women.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
