So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize