Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
