Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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