First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
