I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
