I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
