Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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