yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
