Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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