Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
