And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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