while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
