At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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