Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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