He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
