Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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