Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
