He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
