We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
